We’re finally into May. FINALLY. I had a bit of a shitty April (http://eternalloadingscreen.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/why-april-kind-of-sucked/), so here’s hoping things get better. This edition of Time Assassin is coming to you from the Bourne Beat hotel in Bournemouth, where I’m hiding from the mob/staying overnight to hand in coursework in the morning. The room’s positioned the television behind the desk, but luckily there’s a mirror for me to watch Countryfile in backwards. Not that anything about Countryfile was ever forwards.

So here’s some shit I found on the Internet this week.

SUPER MARIO CROSSOVER

Talking of things that are backwards; imagine if the Xbox 720 comes out and the controller has right-hand D-pad. If you think that’s madness, change the default control settings in Super Mario Crossover because controlling with the arrow keys and jumping with Z feels wronger than 2+monkey=bagel.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/534416

Want my advice? Fuck everyone except Bill. Would have preferred a bit more blood to go with the M60, but you can’t have everything.

HALF LIFE: FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES

What happens when bad fanfiction meets Garry’s Mod? The logical thing – it gets animated. Seriously, what the fuck else is there to do in Garry’s Mod apart from try in vain to make it look like Zoe and Rochelle from Left 4 Dead are making out?

PART 1 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs

PART 2 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8yHguvYYyQ

PART 3 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULWgEnnmcv4

Too…. many…. memes…..

WEIRD MUSIC VIDEO TIRFECTA

Editors – Eat Raw Meat = Blood Drool

A lot of the time when I see something I don’t like I say ‘[the creator] must be spinning in their grave!’ knowing full well that the creator is still alive (Alan Moore, for example, is dizzy 24/7). But with this video, I’m pretty sure the guys who animated the classic Disney cartoons are dead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T6GhYdwI7g

Lady GaGa vs Eric Cartman vs Christopher Walken – Poker Face

Get over the fact that Lady Gaga will be in your browsing history and just watch the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZG5j1nGsA

M.I.A – Born Free

The actual nine-minute video for Born Free has been banned from Youtube because it contained scenes of ginger genocide (or gingenocide) so graphic that the Weasleys have gone into hiding, so here’s a making of because the song itself sucks and I have to post SOMETHING.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDzUjqaIEuI

A PICTURE SAYS A THOUSAND WORDS…

…but sometimes it only needs one.

http://i.imgur.com/27aOn.png

NEWS FROM GAMES

http://www.firstpersonobserver.com/ is a blog that’s running news stories from games. I only hope they cover last months spate of computer hackings THAT’S AN UPLINK JOKE FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ARENT PC GAMERS LIKE ME.

TRAILER OF THE WEEK

No cool trailers this week, so I’m going post that awesome Scott Pilgrim one again because EPIC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtKAfoIllbo

Dan Pryce beats up his girlfriends ex’s at http://www.twitter.com/DanPryce and  less frequently at http://eternalloadingscreen.wordpress.com. Get in touch with him if you find anything worthy of a Time Assassin.